Melissa

My very good friend, Melissa, died on January 5th. She was 30 years old and left behind an awesome husband, Danny, and their little 4 year old, Sammy. I am not so good with death. I'm very selfish because I feel so sorry for myself and that I won't have them in my life anymore. I feel so heartbroken for the families they leave and just can't imagine the horror of having something like that happen. It makes me scared that something will happen to Brad or one of my kids, and I seriously think I'd go crazy. I don't think I'd be able to get up out of bed. I don't think it has totally hit me yet, even though I've done plenty of crying. I'm not even sure if the death of my cousin 15 years ago has even really sunk in. Every time I really think about it, it just blows my mind and I can only think that thought for a second, then my mind just forces it out because I can't handle it.

I am missing Melissa and will continue to miss her throughout my life. She was probably the best friend anybody could ever ask for. She had cancer and chemo twice, and I think that gave her a really good idea of what is truly important, because that's how she lived. The most important thing to her were people. Her family and her friends. And everybody could tell by her actions that she knew that was the most important thing in life. We were roommates for about a year, I think. She was always making little craft projects and cookies for her friends. She would send packages home (Southern California) all the time. She spent a good amount of time with her friends--I was one of the lucky ones to get so much of her time--and she was on the phone A LOT talking with her friends. When she moved back to California, we were on the phone a lot and had the best conversations. Deep conversations where we really got to know each other and funny thrown into all of them. Man, was that girl funny!!!!! She made me laugh so much and so hard. Even when I was having a sucky day, she still made me laugh. She made me laugh when SHE was having a sucky day.

I had knee surgery shortly after she moved in and I thought it was so sweet because when I got home, she had bought a bouquet of flowers for me and she helped take care of me even though she thought I was kind of a jerk because I just stayed in my room and didn't help her when she was moving in. (I was working a night job and sleeping during the day, but I really should have helped her. I was just being lazy.) She also thought I was on speed because I never slept and I was always cleaning. She told her friends back home that her roommate was on speed! I had a lot of fun with her as my roommate. After she moved back to California, she came back to Utah (even though she is not a fan of Utah--except for the Jazz) to visit a few times. She treated it like a 10 hour drive was no problem at all and then she would always bring gifts for everyone she stayed with and she would make cookies to take around to all her friends. After I moved to Scotland and Josh was born, we had to come back for immigration stuff when Josh was 4 months old and we went to Northern California and Melissa flew up to see us. She made me feel so good because she didn't care that we didn't do anything but stare at Josh all day. I still feel like she had a love for him that was as close as you could get to my love for him. Sometimes I thought about it and felt like maybe she loved him even more than I loved him. It really makes you feel so good when somebody loves your kids like you love them. She just wanted to stare at him all day. She always said my kids were the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th cutest kids in the world, right behind Sammy. I'm sure she said that about all her friends kids, but still.

After we moved back to Utah, she came to visit just after Connor was born, and again awhile after Kaytlynn and Sammy were born. She met me and Brad in Vegas when we got engaged so she could meet Brad, and she met us briefly at a gas station in Southern California when she was pregnant with Sammy. That's when I met Danny, and instantly loved him! I'm so glad Melissa married Danny. He is such a great guy. She dragged Sammy and Danny to Utah to visit, and Danny was like-"Why Utah?" but came because Melissa said they needed to visit us. Melissa and Danny together=a non stop laugh fest. When Brad and I went on our Mexican Riviera cruise, Melissa and Danny drove all the way to the Long Beach airport to pick us up and then we spent the night with them at a hotel and they drove us to the port the next day. Melissa gave me some all natural stuff to help me sleep because she was concerned about me taking Ambien. She was always doing thoughtful things--sending packages in the mail or encouraging me to do things to make Brad happy. Like cook for him. When I mentioned that I should try couponing, she left me a super long voicemail message telling me exactly how to do it. She was just so thoughtful and loving and caring. Such a good friend.

After her second round of chemo, the doctor said Melissa would not be able to have kids, and then she had Sammy. She looked so cute pregnant! I thought I got a picture, but I couldn't find it. Sammy was a miracle baby, and Melissa was such a good mom. And she was such a good wife. And sister, and daughter. And cousin and friend. I miss that lady!