My crazy (not in a good way) and lonely childhood

Yikes. I was not a happy camper growing up. This post will probably not give you any joy, aside from knowing that you or somebody you knew was not the only one that had a rough time.

Josh is very cautious and timid and shy in a new situation. It used to take him at least 30 minutes in every situation to warm up and join in. Each and every pre-school class, birthday parties, play groups, family get-togethers. You name it, and it took him time. If something lasted less than 30 minutes then he would never get into it. He would stand aside and take everything in and eventually join in after he got a VERY good look at what was going on exactly. Taking him to kindergarten on his first day was ROUGH. I wanted to walk with him, but I knew I would never be able to get a screaming, wriggling, running, scratching 5 year old 5 blocks to his classroom. So I struggled to put him in the car. After having to force him into his car seat (He would arch his back and stick his stomach out making it impossible to buckle him in, and then after pushing his stomach in and getting it buckled, he would pull his arms out of the straps all while screaming and crying. We were late to everything. So once I got him into his seat we drove to the school and on the way he took his shoes off and threw them. So when we parked, I left him in his car seat to get his shoes on knowing that it would be absolutely impossible to get them on if he wasn't stuck in one place. Getting his shoes on was hard. He was kicking his feet around and grabbing his shoes as I tried to put them on. Getting him out of the car was harder. The kid has strength. He was hanging onto the car seats and wriggling his body around and screaming. I had to pull his hand off of my seat and he would grab it with his other hand. I'd have to get his grasp off and he'd grab with the other hand. Once I finally got him out of the van, I did not think that I would make it with Josh to the door of the school. He reminded me of the time we accidentally slammed the cats tail in the car door. That cat went crazy, using it's muscles to make it go up and down and around--totally stuck by it's tail and just crazy. This was Josh. I was the car door and his wrist was the tail. He was crazy, climbing up my leg with his little legs, jumping around, screaming. It was all I could do to keep ahold of his little wrist and drag/carry him to his class. I was seriously afraid his wrist would be bruised. We alternated from me carrying him when I could get him in my grasp, holding both his kicking legs in one arm and the top part of his body in my other arm, trying to avoid headbutts and flailing legs. Oh, and I didn't want to drop him on the cement either. That would be bad. So I'd have to put him down and grab onto his wrist as quick as I could. We eventually made it to the door and lucky for us and everybody else at school, his classroom was the first one in the door. I drug him in and held onto him while he kicked and screamed and asked his teacher what I should do. I tested the waters and loosened up my grasp on him and he bolted for the door. I'd run and grab him crying and screaming and go back to the teacher, who was trying to talk to him and say hi, but yeah right! That was not happening. I asked if she had runners before and she said yes, but usually at lunchtime or recess. She had one that made it to the street and she had to chase after him and grab him right before he ran into the street. I felt bad because while she's running after these kids, what are the other kids doing? Not learning in a quiet environment, that's for sure. So the brave woman took ahold of Josh and tried to talk to him and calm him down (yeah, right!) and I made a run for the door. I waited outside the door where Josh couldn't see me for 30 minutes so I could grab him if he tried to run out the door. He was crying the entire time. There were a few other ladies in the hallway talking and one said "Oh, he's having a hard time." Then another lady said "I bet his mom is having an even harder time." I said "I'm the mom." I never would have thought that kid would be my kid. After a half hour of him not getting out the door, I decided it would be safe for me to leave. I did leave my phone number with his teacher to call if I had to come get him and he was just too much to handle. When I came to pick him up 2 and a half hours later, he was all smiles. He loved it! I knew he would. It's always just getting him there. A sweet, sweet mother sat with him in the corner and tried to calm him down and told him to pretend that nobody else was there, then she walked him around the halls after I had left. She asked her son to be his special friend. Josh's favorite part was when they did the gingerbread man story. "Run, run as fast as you can. You can't catch me, I'm the gingerbread man." I guess they do this every year on the first day of kindergarten. They have the speech therapist dress up in a foam gingerbread man costume and he runs around and the kids chase him and try to catch him. Ingenious for getting the kids back to school the next day. We were so, so lucky that there were so many awesome boys in Josh's kindergarten class. He made some great friends. Every day after school (if it was nice weather) Josh would play outside the school with his friends chasing them around, while the moms talked.

Josh had soccer and t-ball before kindergarten ever started and it was exactly like going to the first day of kindergarten. Impossible. But without the threat of having the kids taken away from us or going to jail or whatever, I just let him quit those after some infuriating and frustrating tries to get him to play. So soccer was back on and it looked like we were going to have some bad problems getting him there again (He's the one who said he wanted to play.) We drove over to the practice and one of his best friends, Cade, was there. Cades dad was coaching the team. Josh jumped out and ran to the field and we had no problems. So Cade has been a great friend for Josh. Cade has older brothers and I thought he seemed pretty confident. When 1st grade was starting for Josh I was afraid we'd have a rerun of the first day of kindergarten, but Cade was in his class. Yay! The teacher told me at a parent teacher conference that it was actually Cade who had a really tough time and Josh totally helped him. Once she sat the two of them by eachother, Cade did so much better. Josh's teacher said he would actually say stuff in front of the class and make them laugh. She said he was a ham and kind of the class clown and he was funny.

I was really happy when we found out Cade and Josh would be in the same 2nd grade class. On the first day of school Josh wrote a paper of favorites. He said his best friend was Cade (and the person he most admired was me, by the way :) ) We went to soccer and I saw Cade and his dad while Josh was playing and went over and told Cades dad that Josh wrote that Cade was his best friend. Cade came over and I asked him if he knew that and he said "Yeah, Josh follows me all around at recess." Ouch. Cades dad immediately said "that's okay" to Cade. I thought they were mutual friends and I did not think that Josh was that annoying kid that follows another kid around. (I was that annoying kid many times growing up.) So I was thinking about how to handle this when I was out on the route the next day. Do I talk to Josh and tell him not to do that? Was Cade just being a kid, saying something that he's undoubtably heard from his older brothers? I decided that I would first talk to Josh's teacher and ask what her take was on it and maybe talk to Cades mom and then to Josh. I really don't want him to bug and annoy other kids. That isn't good for anyone. I want him to play with good friends that enjoy his company as much as he enjoys theirs. Right as I was thinking about this, Cades mom called and said that Cade has been bugging her all day to play with Josh. So Cade went over and played at our house for over 2 hours. Josh thought it was only 30 minutes and Cade said he did not want to go home. So I think they are okay.....I am not looking forward to the times when the kids come home crying because other kids are mean to them or don't want to play with them. I think it actually hurts parents more than the kids. That sort of thing must have caused my parents all sorts of emotional pain. I will write about that more on my next post.

"Somehow I turned my ear off."

We were at Seven Peaks Water Park on the lazy river when Josh said "Somehow I turned my ear off." He didn't seem worried or anything. Maybe a little curious about how to turn it back on. I'm so horrible. I just laugh and sit in the joy of how they think and look at the world. Sometimes I will explain what is going on, but most the time I don't.

"You somehow turned your ear off, huh? How did you do that? Can you get it back on? Is it out of batteries?"

"Yeah. I don't know. I think so. No, I don't think ears have batteries."

I wish we could have a video camera going on all the time because they say and do the cutest things day and night!

Her finger is the size of a small performance tip.

The kids are loving the BeyBlades right now. It is basically a glorified top. You can buy different tips for them and there's a stadium they can "battle" in. Some are better than others at battling. Autumn and her girls came over. Connor and I were just sitting there adoring the baby, listening to her talk and goo, and looking at her tiny fingers and toes. Connor looked at and touched her little fingers, turned and looked at me, and said "Her finger is the size of a small performance tip."

Rodeo

Well, I'm torn. We went to the rodeo Thursday night. Connor did the mutton bustin'. I enjoyed most of it. I don't like how they rope calves and I never have. Yeah, I really don't like it. Those poor lil babies. But I found out what they do to make the broncos buck, which I never knew before, and it's mean! So yesterday while I was delivering the mail and had all day to think, I started feeling really guilty for going and supporting this and for letting my kids watch the animal cruelty. At the same time, I have always enjoyed going to the rodeo minus the roping. I was trying to figure out why and I think it's the atmosphere that I like. Just like the demolition derby or a baseball game. I was pondering why so many people like to go. The Fiesta Days rodeo goes for 4 days each year and every year it is sold out. There are rodeos all over the country and all over the world. People just like to go. I don't know if they all like it for the atmosphere. I think a lot of guys like it because of the man versus beast factor. There seems to be a lot of testosterone there. There is all the stuff in between the mean that is fun to watch. I don't think mutton bustin' is bad. Kids riding a sheep. I mean, it probably scares the sheep, but I think the kids get more beat up than the sheep does. Why do we like to watch the bucking bronco and the bucking bulls? My gosh, the chiropractors that must be needed for the riders.....I just don't know. Is it animal cruelty to have a fat man riding a horse? To have anybody ride a horse? I don't think they like giving us rides. I think about all the people that love the fights, too--boxing, MMA, wrestling. I don't like watching people beat the snot out of eachother, but it is sooo popular! Why? But at least it's two people who decide to do that to eachother. The animals don't have a choice. And then I think about a friend that says we are all raising a bunch of wussies. I think it is true. We leave no corner uncovered and have so much stuff to protect these kids. I'm surprised we don't make baby clothes out of bubble wrap. But then, what is wrong with protecting our kids? When I was a baby, my mom would put me on the floor of the car in the back. No 5 point safety, dual harness car seat. I rode in the front without a booster seat before the age of 11. I played with a hammer and nails trying to build a fort when I was 5. I wandered around the neighborhood before kindergarten all by myself looking for someone that could come out and play. And I survived relatively unscarred. Some kids aren't so lucky, but then a lot of overprotected kids get hurt and die, too. I just don't know. We can put our bodies through a lot and we survive. Should we test our limits, or is that just ruining our bodies for ego? Or should we make the most out of our lives--do as much as we can--or should we sit home and protect our bodies so we can live to be a ripe old age? Should we eat well or should we enjoy junk food? Anyway, back to the rodeo. I also think it is a part of my heritage. I have gone to the rodeo almost every year of my life. My grandparents owned a ranch and the men were very manly. It is a part of me. We used to go to Colorado to my grandparents ranch every Thanksgiving to brand the cows. Now that was horribly mean. Should we teach our boys to be manly, rough and tumble BOYS, or should we teach them to be sensitive and good husbands and dads that take part in their kids lives and cook and clean? Anyway, I know that if we don't go, the rodeos will still be sold out and they will still be mean to the animals, but I think I have decided that this year I'm just going to go and enjoy since we already have tickets and this will probably be the last year to save myself some guilt. Should I feel guilty? Augh, torn!

Kids Growing Up

The other day I got done at the post office at 2:30 and went to pick up the kids. We went to the sno-cone place and got sno cones and sat at a table and talked. I had such a great time. I love the kids growing up. I love babies--I love their smells (some of them, at least.) and I love their sighs and yawns and cuddles and little baby bodies and just how they are, but I did have a really hard time enjoying all that stuff in between taking care of them. I can really enjoy babies now that I can give them back to their parents. I get to have a quick hold and cuddle, sniff them and enjoy their little baby sounds with none of the worry. It's great. I wish I could have enjoyed that with my kids more--but, let's face it--that would have only happened if we had a nanny. Now that my kids know how to feed themselves and not run into the road, and talk, and are potty trained, it is so much fun! Josh noticed that they had put new stuff at the sno cone place. There are new table and chairs and palm trees and fans with misters and he noticed it all. Then I got regular size sno cones. I used to have them take the tops off because my kids would dig in and spill it EVERYWHERE. Now they can pretty much eat it without spilling. They can take their own sno cones to the table without spilling or dropping them. Then they all made sure as a group effort that we all had seats. There was no fighting, just noticing that Connor had the most shade. The boys got red yellow and blue flavoring which made a pretty rainbow and Kaytlynn got pink, purple, and red. They dug tunnels in their sno cones with their spoon straws and talked about who had the best beyblades and why. It was so enjoyable for me, I just had to sit there eating my sno cone and smile.

Connor and Ellie

Connor just loves Ellie. She is his best friend. I told this to Ellies mom when they had kindergarten graduation, so she left her phone number with their teacher to give to us later. Somehow the number got lost, so I text his teacher who went to great lengths to get me the number. Thank you Mrs. Moosman! So Connor called:




Then Ellie called him back:



Ellie came over to play the next day and Connor just dotes on her and is so protective of her! I don't know how he learned this. I asked if he wanted to put on his T-ball clothes so that he could be all ready for T-ball and he said "No, I want to look nice for Ellie." Then he chose his own clothes. Kaytlynn really liked Ellie, too, and both Connor and Kaytlynn were taking food and drinks to her, asking if she wanted anything. Then Connor had to get ready for T-ball and I guess Brad said that maybe Ellie would like him in his T-ball gear, so he came out, stopped right in front of her, and said "Hi Ellie" all proud. She looked at him like he was a little strange, but then I think she realized he was trying to impress her and she smiled a little smile. We all got in the van and Connor just had to sit right next to her. We couldn't find the van keys, so we switched to the car and Connor unbuckled Ellies seat belt for her and opened the car door. She kind of played with her seatbelt and Connor was all worried that if we got in a wreck that she would get hurt. I dropped Connor off at T-ball and before he would shut the door, he had to be reassured that nothing of Ellies was sticking out that could get shut in the door. She went to close the door and he was like, "No, no, no. I want to shut the door for you." and after making sure one more time nothing was sticking out, he shut the door. This boy is enamored at 5 years old! It could either be really endearing or really annoying how he's treating her. It would be so darn cute if they got married and we had all this on video!

Kids conversations

In the car after Chuck E. Cheeses:

Me: They tore the 7-11 down where we used to get Slurpees.
Kaytlynn: I love Slurpees. I like the red ones. The red ones are dog juice.
Me: Dog juice?
Kaytlynn: Yep, dog juice. It's good.
Josh: How long until we get home?
Me: 20 minutes.
Josh: Okay, if anyone is still awake when we get there, can you please wake me up?
Me: I'm pretty sure I'll be awake, because I'm driving.
Connor: That root beer will probably keep Josh up.
Me: No, it shouldn't keep him up because it doesn't have any caffeine.
Josh: Connor is right. I'm still awake. (He was out 20 seconds later.)
Connor: If I'm still asleep when we get home can somebody just tap me and wake me up?

Kaytlynn was the only one sleeping by the time we got home.

There was a spider on the patio steps and I had no shoes on, so I asked Josh to get it. He wouldn't, so I asked the kids friend to get it, but he didn't have any shoes on, so out came Kaytlynn to the rescue. She brought a knife out and squished it. It had a juicy body that popped, so Kaytlynn said: "Oh, that was a grape spider." She's done her share of grape popping.

Josh always says "If you don't get me some pizza right now, I'm gonna spank you." "If you don't play video games with me right now, I'm gonna spank you." Makes me laugh.